How does it feel when your exams do not go well? Not a good day, right? You must be aware of this feeling. This is the kind of day I am currently having on this 30th day of April 2025. (sorry for the legal-sounding line) well your exam did not go well is not the main point of sorrow the grief is that you have made the efforts to try to understand and learn the subject that you do not like, after hours of prep you are confident that you are good to go but when you go inside exam hall and start writing the answer something inside your brain starts to happen, you forget the chronology of answer, you are not able to recall things, and many more things. You know the first answer you start to write it and pour your most time on that first answer only and by the time you go to the second answer you are late and by the time you reach the last you realise all the past answers are not complete half baked as you were not able to recall things and the bell rang. Your booklet is gone out of your hand, and you just regret, Just regret.

Then the tussle inside your head, whether the x number you need to pass, you will able to cross that figure or not, starts. Why the hell did this exam go like this when your other paper went fine, if not great? Why did only this paper go worse despite trying your best to learn things that you did not want to still you did it cause you know, after all the subject is not that bad but just needs a good a very good teacher.

Well, the tussle goes on and on. The pain inflicted by this paper gives you wounds. Sorry, bring back the wound which was over time got healed, and again, the same subject injured you. If you do not call that subject badluck or unlucky, then what will you call it? After all, why only one subject is going bad when the others are good if not great?

Well, now I really don't know what is gonna happen, but I can just hope that the examiner will understand me through some superpower with years of experience of checking and doing the rightful act. Maybe the writer was not able to write it in a booklet, but that does not mean he did not get the concept. Everything at this point becomes superfluous. You think all this nonsense and then add to the tussle inside your head.

Do you know how to solve the tussle? If you do, let me know, but it's not easy to get out of it other than just giving time to yourself as it's the gone matter.

Then there is another tussle for the marks for the papers where there is no worry about getting passed but about excelling in the exam and how to get the extra marks. A few days back, I posted the status on my WhatsApp about this marks race. I tried to find it but was not able to recover anyway here is whatever I recollect, so I was saying, "Marks never mattered to me after class 8th and for some reason, the thirst and desire for marks have come back, I always get sad when I do not able to score as much as others and get into trauma. Somewhat I am also becoming a rat. The person who once was a firm believer and proponent of education who used to say, you should study for the sake of earning knowledge and developing personality. Now he himself is running behind Marks. This is a little dangerous position. The real core purpose of education should never get lost "

I think we have created an environment such as that where everything revolves around marks, career and placement, and all that we have forgotten is the Core purpose of education. We need to reinforce the idea of education that education is something more than getting marks.

Well, I am writing this after some not-so-good exam days. Well, now only one paper is remaining. I know it will go well for some reason. I don't have to worry about marks because this time, I got good marks in internal evaluations, unlike today's one. Sorry for getting a little diverted so am writing despite a bad day as I know the loss is only mine if I do not write my consistency built over the past 5 months to drop a post at the last date of the month will collapse like Phillips curve( don't go inside this economics concept hai ) and further I do not have control over the gone things so why to lose things which is in your control and anyways I was very much keen to write as again one I make a firm resolve then I make sure no stone left unturned to keep that promise. And here I am turning the stone.

I hope you would have relate with me to some extent and you also might have that one subject 'jisse aapni anti chalti hai'( which you do not like neither that subject like you back) well anyways the tussle is cooling down in this scorching warm weather (41⁰ C). Acha toh mein chalta hoon will see you next month or if you give a good response to this post maybe just maybe we can reduce the gap just like the gap between inflation and unemployment by figuring out some sort of fiscal or expansionary policy why the hell I am articulating things this good when the paper is gone 😭 Ok I am also going bye thank you so much for reading.